And now. It's interesting now. I'm kind of at a place where I'm not sure where I'm going, but I'm sure I have to make some changes. That sounds awfully dramatic, doesn't it? Basically my schedule is so full that I hardly ever have time to see friends and just hang out. And that is the kind of thing that makes my life easier and more fun and just better. I've discovered that my over-full schedule is super unfulfilling.
I'm in a Bible study that meets weekly. I've liked this study, and one of the things I've learned is that I have to let go of some of the stuff cluttering my calendar to focus more on some other (different)(really important) things. Ironically, I think Bible study is going to be one of the things to go after the current study ends! For the moment, anyway.
Lucy now goes to preschool three days a week because I got so sick of her asking every single day if she could pleeeeaaaase go to school. So she now goes Monday, Wednesday, Thursday. Going into it, I think "Man, three whole hours of FREEDOM!" and then I drop Lu off, do one thing and it's time to pick her up again. It's like it morphs from forever to an instant as soon as I leave the parking lot. Weird.
I work two evenings a week from 6-9. It makes for weird afternoon/dinner/bedtime routines for the kids and making dinner and getting ready is always a challenge. The Bubba is able to be home by 5:30 (and then work from home after bedtime) on nights that I work, so I have to be ready and run out the door as soon as I hear his key in the lock. But I love it. It gets me out and doing intelligent things, I love the people I work with, I love my students. It's also one of the only things I do ALONE. I drive there ALONE in the car. Sometimes I stop at the grocery store on the way home ALONE. This is one of the very few things that're sticking around.
Then there's the church commission of which I am chair. This is my third year as part of the commission, and the second year that I've been an inadvertent chairwoman. It's got to go. It's a fair amount of work and I just REALLY don't feel like it's what I should be doing right now. I have two biggish projects I'm working on in January and February, and then I can let this go too.
There's the sweet boy I babysit. I came to the really hard decision that I just can't watch him anymore after the holidays. He and Johnny are only 6 months apart (he's 13mo, J's 19mo) and they're at the point where they are going 100 miles an hour in opposite directions. It's impossible to get out. No, not impossible, it's just not much FUN for anyone. Even the 10 minutes of preschool drop-off/pick-up on Wednesday is just this side of abject suckage. God bless mothers of twins - especially with other kids with needs to be met. It's wicked hard.
Lucy's soccer ended, thank everything. Two times a week with practice and games was a lot, and though Lucy LOVED it with all caps, it always conflicted with Johnny's tired/cranky schedule and it was never easy to get there and be there and have it be fun for everyone. I mean, the games were Friday evenings at 6:30. Bedtime is 7 'round these parts. I'd do it again or something similar, but I don't think I can compromise on the timing like that unless I'm sure that I'll have some help from the Bubba.
Which brings me to a related but different thread to this conversation. The Bubba and I have been knocking around the idea that we don't like our lifestyle right now. Unfortunately, that's such a Big Thought for us, we've been sitting on it for a few months. Basically, we've come to the agreement that the Bubba's work schedule is too crazy. I mean, we always knew it was crazy and he works so much all the time and TOO much a lot of the time, but then with the more recent bout of 75/80 hour workweeks and the travel, well, it just made sense that his work schedule might not be awesome. To the tune maybe even of Something Has to Change. That, too, is way too Big a Thought for us, so now we're stewing on that. I don't know what it means yet. I don't think anything as drastic as switching jobs or moving or whathaveyou is on the table just yet. Just more of How Can We Make This More Manageable? Because the Bubba LOOOOVES his job. Loves it. Gets excited about it and takes it personally and loves it (when he doesn't hate it because he's taking it personally). But there were some instances of his being bummed because he feels sometimes like he has to choose between doing his job and seeing his kids. And even more instances of me planning our lives with absolutely no regard for what the Bubba is doing because I can pretty safely assume he won't be around. That basically stinks for everybody. To add to the confusion, the Bubba is maybe looking at a promotion at the end of this year.
But the point, I guess, is that we are open to any new opportunities that may arise including things that may open up abroad. We started doing an online tutorial thing-y to learn Mandarin just for fun. So there's that.
Anyway. Hopefully I can start from scratch with a clear schedule after the new year and things will be a little easier for everybody around here. The Bubba and I have to make another date to revisit How Things Are and What We Can Do About It. Maybe in January. I'm just hoping for less crazy and more manageable.