We had the loveliest, laziest four-day weekend! Having the Bubba here makes everything nicer. Especially the diaper situations. Oh, did I tell you? We have a sort of agreement about diapers. Well, maybe not so much of an agreement as an ultimatum. A kind of laying down of the law. Sort of.
Here's where I talk about poop again (consider yourself warned).
Lucy is an amazing eater and therefore an amazing pooper. The volume that girl puts out rivals ... oh I don't even know what I want to compare it to, so I think I'll leave it at that and trust that you get the idea. Hm? Really? You want a visual? OohKAY. When I lived in Madison, (WI) I lived next door to this Great Dane named Lady, and she had the biggest dog poops I've ever seen. Lady's poops are to beagle poops as Lucy's poops are to other baby poops. How's that?
ANYHOO, the girl poops twice a day. And that's on a no-blueberry day.
And guess who cleans up those two-to-three poopy diapers a day? This Mommy. And then when I sat and thought about it (when am I NOT thinking about poop, you ask?) I change on average 99% of Lucy's diapers every day. I get her up in the morning when the Bubba is getting ready for work, and I am bathing her and getting jammies on when the Bubba is coming home from work.
And let me just interject here that I do not at all resent the fact that since I am primary caregiver of this child that I get the brunt of the messy part of parenting. I'm just saying that all of that means that the Bubba changes about 4 diapers a week (this may or may not be an exaggeration). And after I sat and thought and did the math, I declared,
"THIS IS NOT FAIR."
Now the Bubba gets to change every poopy diaper during the weekend. If I start the change and catch a wiff? "Bubba! It's for you!" Like it's a stinky phone call he has to take in the nursery.
And me? I get a vacation from washing out cloth diapers in the toilet! From wiping the messes off of that cutest of bums!
And I like it. Oh, it's so, so nice to have a break from dealing with someone else's excrement.
Except! Somehow that conniving diabolical husband of mine plans things that I wouldn't plan. Like feeding the child bananas and cheese during the weekend. Then yesterday he performed some trick in the form of meals including blueberries and peaches and pears and yogurt and black beans.
The diaper this morning? Was ... well, I don't think there are adequate words in my vocabulary. It was astronomical. It was shocking. It was amazing. I thought for a moment about calling Guinness and asking if they have a poop volume by age category. If there are world class categories of contest pooping. Because Lucy could be making us some prize money.
And thus beginneth the Poop Battle of 2009.
Just you wait until Saturday, my friend. You think I don't know how this works? I've got some recipes of my own.