Friday, May 15, 2009

Friday! And the Boob Question Revisited.

I got some better sleep last night.  The child deigned to sleep through until 5:30 and my Bubba got up and fed her a bottle.  So I got to sleep until 7:30!  Woo hoo!  Life sure does look different when you're rested doesn't it?

Fatigue is a good go-to excuse for the crabbies, but that's certainly not the only issue.  I have been struggling with breast feeding.  Lucy would prefer a bottle.  I am making her breast feed.  I don't want to continue breast feeding.  But yet, I DO want to continue, otherwise I would quit, right?  Well, yesterday as Lucy was getting frustrated because she just doesn't possess the patience to nurse and I was fighting with her to just finish already and she thought it was funny to kick me in the face, I just thought, ENOUGH ALREADY.  Why am I torturing BOTH of us like this?

I have decided to wean her very slowly.  As in, cut out the afternoon/evening feedings.  That still leaves 2-3 breast feedings per day.  We'll do this at least for a while and then I'll reassess after a few weeks and see how we both are doing.   I have already cut out the bedtime feeding, but I've been pumping so she's getting breast milk for that bottle.  I'll just quit that.  Because I HATE pumping.  I think this plan will work well for Lucy and for me. 

So, why don't I feel more relieved than I do?  What I feel is sadness.  And that feeling you get when you're making a decision that impacts more than yourself of "what if this isn't the right thing?"  And maybe even a little guilt like, "Why can't I just stick with this?"

Oh my goodness, there should be some sort of cure for wacky mommy hormones.  But the decision is made, and I think it's a good one.  And maybe my skinny baby will gain some weight back too when eating is less work, who knows!

I'm feeling a little fragile, like I need to take care of myself a little better.  I'm going for a run when Lucy wakes up, and maybe I'll even do something nice like get a manicure or a haircut this weekend.  Thank goodness the sun's supposed to shine!


Manda said...

Feel ya. Mommy guilt is like no other. Look on the bright side ... I quit breastfeeding at 5 months and I have NEVER EVER made my own baby food. You're way ahead of me, my friend!! :)

Kate P said...

TGIF! Have a great, restful weekend. :)

maggie said...

My weekend is booked until Sunday afternoonish, then I'm free, hanging around, doing nothing, twiddling my thumbs, in the sunshine... Just, you know, an FYI.

Two Sick Peas In A Pod said...

Looks like Lucy already makes the decisions!

Love and misses