I know I haven't posted anything of substance lately. Partially because I'm busy doing stuff (gasp!), partially because the stuff I want to write about I don't want to write about, partially because I'm lazy, and partially because I severely cut back my internet time in observance of Lent.
I opted to cut out some screwing-around time and add in some prayer/meditation time. I'll tell you, it's been kind of nice.
I've been thinking a lot about prayer. And how it works in my life. I pray often - from grace before meals to a petty "Please help me find a close parking spot so Lucy doesn't have to get wet" throughout my day.
Ever since my dad passed away, my biggest and most frequent prayer is for God to help me accept His will even if I don't understand it. I have a really hard time surrendering what I think should happen or what I want to happen or what I'm worried about happening in order to listen through prayer.
I am the queen of worrying about the worst possible outcomes of everything. Example: if I narrowly miss tripping over a rut, my mind completes the scenario of having fallen and breaking my arm and then having to go through my day somehow taking care of a baby with a broken arm. And one time my mind went though an awful sequence in which my Bubba died, and I very nearly had a panic attack because I didn't know if he wanted to be cremated or where he wanted to be buried.
You could say I'm really really good at borrowing trouble.
So anyway, I've been working on surrendering that worst case scenario worry. I've always thought that the answer to my prayers is more in the way I feel about things than in the way they turn out. Like God is giving me peace in answer to my prayers. Peace about things I worry way too much about (evidence above). And I need more of that.
So that's what I'm focusing on this Lent. No small task...