Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Love and 3 Months

So many people tell you when you're pregnant that as soon as that creature leaves your body, you're going to see the baby and instantly fall in love.  And maybe I believed that, too, since the baby websites talk about all the oxytocin and dopamine that are released into your system after the baby's born that make you feel warm and fuzzy and motherly.

When Lucy was placed on my chest seconds after breathing her very first breath ever, I remember the only emotion I felt was surprise.  What?  This is a baby!  What is it doing here?  What?!  IT'S MINE??  And I cried.  Mostly because of relief that I wouldn't have to push any more, a little because I was so exhausted, and some because OMG, I just pushed a BABY out of my belly!

And I LOVED her at that moment.  Really, if you want to get technical, I loved her from the moment I knew she was in my belly somewhere, somehow.  But at the hospital, I wondered, when is this baby's parents going to come pick her up?  And I was surprised when the staff at the hospital was going to let me leave with this tiny person.

Home in those first weeks, I marveled at Lucy's every noise, every bodily function, every sleepy movement.  But I still wasn't sure I had that miraculous Mommy Bond.  I mean, I couldn't leave her without feeling physical pain, I felt the driving need to feed her and keep her clean and warm, but was I in love with her?  The fairy tale (sigh) loooooove?  I would categorize those feelings more along the lines of anxiety.

I think I just caught up with the love and twitterpation hard core in the last few weeks.  Or maybe it has just slowly grown into what it is now.  Now, I am completely enamored, girl-can-do-no-wrong, completely smitten with this baby.  I find so much JOY in Lucy's facial expressions, in her figuring out how to use her hands, in her emerging sense of humor.  I had no idea the amount of sheer adoration one could have, and I am often swept up in it.  It just happened to take a little longer than immediately.

Lately, when she's done nursing, she'll play a game where she'll suck a few times and then make a suction noise while pulling back to look and me and smile.  Then she'll go back, suck a few times and repeat until she gets tired of the game.  It is so incredibly endearing and it makes me laugh out loud every time.

I lurve my baby.  Who's all of 3 months old already!


Lindsay said...

I adore the pink cherub cheeks.

KAO kid said...

She is sooo incredibly beautiful and adorable all wrapped into one! I am so happy that you have reached this point!

:) k

Elizabeth said...

Boy, they grow fast, don't they? And I felt EXACTLY the same way. I loved my sweet girl from the moment I laid eyes on her, and I always knew she was such a little miracle. But those first couple of months were pure anxiety for me. Once she hit about 3 months, we finally hit a rhythm and a schedule, and then I could settle down and marvel in her every change and discovery. Such a fun time! It only gets to be more fun...until they start being mobile, and then they start doing things just because they know they aren't supposed to. How do they grow into these little people so quickly?

Kate P said...

Three months already--and looking incredibly stylish!