Friday, August 15, 2008

Normal Schwarmal

I'm an imaginative person.  A dreamer and a hoper and a wisher.  Pregnancy is all about that.  Anticipating and imagining.  What's my baby going to be like?  What will she look like?  What will our life be like?

New motherhood is surprisingly not a continuation of all of this.

It's normal.  The baby is here.  She has needs.  We meet them.  And the world spins madly on (to borrow a phrase from the Weepies).  The baby's crying.  She's hungry.  She needs a new diaper.  She's sleeping.  Normal.  Tasks are completed.  Days go by.  The baby's a new acquaintance.  She's not some made-up person.  She's Lucy.  There's no more guessing and anticipating surprises.  

Sigh.  Does this make sense?  I'm tired.

And for sure I'm emotional.  I dropped my Mama-a-llama off at the airport this afternoon.  And I cried.  I got stuck in some God-awful traffic on the way home, and called my husband crying because the baby started fussing and I didn't want her to cry while I was crying stuck in traffic.  I eventually got home, nursed the baby and spilled a whole glass of water on my lap in our new leather recliner.  I cried.

So now I'm doing what any normal new mother would do with such an afternoon.  I put the now-sleeping baby in the bassinet and I'm eating pie.


Carrie said...

Pie is always the answer :)

The first 6 weeks are tough. Be kind to yourself. It's all completely new and scary and wonderful and awful all at the same time. And you're still recovering from pregnancy and your hormones are a mess- it's okay to be a bit confused and emotional. We'd worry about you if you weren't.

Okay. Now go post more photos of that adorable little girl.

Lindsay said...

The important question here is -- what kind of pie?

Elizabeth said...

I'll just say...the mood swings are not all hormonal. I did not have the benefit of pregnancy to screw up my emotions, and I was still on edge and often a wreck during the first couple of weeks of Olivia's life. I'm sure hormones play into it, but a HUGE part of it is sleep deprivation. If you can figure out a way to get, like, five or six straight hours of sleep per night for a few days in a row, you will be a new person. In the meantime, just take comfort in the knowledge that this is temporary...she will start sleeping more, your body will adjust to new sleeping patterns, and there will come a day when you are not so tired.

Amber said...

Lizzie when I read your posts I feel like I am going back in time. I too had the weepies. I felt out of control and it was hard. When you combine the hormones (which are CRAZY right now) with lack of sleep you are bound to feel the way you do. I would cry for absolutely no reason after bringing Sophie home. Just make sure you keep talking with Adam about it. It's perfectly normal to feel the way you are feeling. We love you all very much! Wish we were closer so I could help in any way that I could. Miss you! Give Lucy a big squeeze from her Auntie.