Idle Hands? I Think Not.

I've been a knitting fiend lately. So much so that I haven't even taken photos of some of the things I've made before sending them off as gifts. Hats, mostly. I love hats. Baby hats, big people hats.

I just finished this:

Ready to go!

Maybe it's just me, but isn't that the CUTEST HAT EVER?? My girl was looking awfully grown up lately, and I needed something that still screamed BABY. It's even more fun that she likes it and keeps it on. She'll even let me know when the ties come undone. I am currently two rows into matching mittens.

Can I just show you what my desk looks like right now?

Yarn, notions, books of knitting patterns, half completed projects!

SEE A THEME?

Piles. Piles of yarn. Tweed and variegated, sock yarn and wool. On the left is a brown hat, the pink is for mittens. On the right is the yarn for yet another hat, the beginnings of a blue short sleeve sweater - I think I'm about to the boobs - and then some yarn I THOUGHT was going to be for the hat that the brown yarn ended up perfect for.

My stash is normally stored on the top of the wardrobes in Lucy's room in two big flat tupperware containers. Lately, I've been going through it once a week or so and pulling out anything that inspires me. If you have ever known a Knitter, you know the gravity of this situation. I have yarn in little piles all over the house and not just in the designated stash area. Above the requisite baby-proof hight, of course. My husband is incredibly magnanimous about all the little balls and skeins cluttering the top of the piano and the higher book shelves.

And maybe his dresser top.

And perhaps his side of the closet.

Oh, come on. Knitting is a state of BEING, people.

I have so many projects in my queue, and they're not even Christmas projects yet! It's the cool weather and the dark. It's like a Pavlovian response to winter. Must knit. Must knit. Hands empty. Not good. Yarn! Yarn! Yarn! Ok, so maybe in my head it sounds more like a one-track record like in that Beggin' Strips commercial.

So that's what I've been doing lately. What about you? Any winter projects you work on? Any fun patterns you're dying to share with me?

On the 15th Month

A little after Lucy turned one, she started walking. I feel like she put a good deal of time figuring out how her body works and having fun with getting around and processing all the new information she was getting from her new point of view. She has gotten quite good at getting around and climbing and jumping and running. You know, the basics of mischief making.

And then? All of a sudden? Language explosion. In our estimation, Lucy has a command of 27 meaningful words (including "Mais non!" and 12 sounds (like "weee-ooooo-weeeee-oooo" for emergency vehicles and animal sounds). The girl talks!

It's not like I didn't expect it, and in fact, I was looking forward to hearing what she thought of things. Like dreaming about what she would look like when I was pregnant, I always wondered what my little girl would say if she could. And even though we're missing a couple of complex concepts, I know what she likes and what she doesn't like. That's already huge.

Maybe it's the fact that she can voice needs and concerns and wants, or maybe I am accepting the fact that I have a toddler, but I'm amazed at the evolution of my relationship with Lucy. She's not me anymore. She never REALLY was, but she was inside of me. And then she lived off my breast milk. And then she needed me to cuddle her to sleep. She's been part of me for so long.

Now, all of a sudden I have an independent person on my hands. Someone I happen to share a house with. I'm blown away. I'm getting to know her, not just through our bodies or through watching her, but through language. She is not even a tiny bit part of my own self anymore. Which is awesome, but it's also a little sad. She's not my wittle bay-bay anymore!

Lu ditches her baby dolls for books every time. Nerdlet.

I was trying to talk about this with the Bubba, but he couldn't get it. He gave me an Are You Okay? sort of look when I lamented that Lucy isn't just ME anymore! That's when I realized that this must be how he felt from the very beginning. He has always recognized that Lucy is an individual with or without me.

But for me, it's like I turn into a different mom every time Lucy hits a different stage in her development, and I have to redefine my job requirements and my role. Host to parasite? Physical demands 100%. Check. Milking cow? Physical demands 70%. Check. Playmate? Physical demands 20%. Check. Rule Inforcer? Physical demands 2%. I have to reassess the strengths and weaknesses of my approach and revise as needed to stay one step ahead of the Wave of Destruction. And every step actually involves me less and less.

But really, it just keeps getting more and more fun. I like my kid. She's funny and creative and sincere and surprisingly musical. She plays the piano and hums along with songs that I didn't realize she was picking up. When I was humming "Old McDonald" the other day, I stopped and she hummed the next three or four notes for me.

There's the other stuff, too. The not fun part of 15 months. The teeth are still coming. One of the bottom incisors finally cut and the bottom left molar is bulging. So we've been dealing with another bout of sleeplessness and drool and not eating and a bad case of the Naughties. The upside of not eating very well has been the discovery of smoothies! I make a Purple House Ape with blueberries and leafy greens and a Green Meanie with kale and yogurt and peaches and my girl sucks it down and belches like a linebacker.

Smoothie Fu-Manchu!

Then there's the exploration of "NO!" that's tuning quickly into a hostile takeover of the capital NO!ville, exploitation of the "NO!" residents and pillaging of the "NO!" resources. She has become well acquainted with the "NO!" laws and regulations and has thrown them out in favor of a natural state of "NO!"

But let's not dwell, shall we? Back to the fun! Lucy buries herself in the couch pillows and then pops out screaming "SURPRISE!" at least once a day. She can build block towers that are three or four high before the emergency vehicles (weeeooooo-weeeeoooo) come to crash them down.

She says "DONE!" and gives me a triumphant look

when she's accomplished something. Like I should have been timing her.

But the clincher? The very best part of 15 months? She says "I love you." and gives kisses. On purpose. SWOON!

THIS is how the species survives.

Case of the Mondays

I think I'm sick. I just slept for 13 hours and feel like I could sleep all day.

Yesterday the Bubba got a last minute ticket from my uncle and went to the Seahawks game. And left me alone on so very little sleep with a house ape on speed. I sent him a text during the game that said something along the lines of "You better be enjoying yourself, because I'm never going to forgive you for this." And I teased him when he got home that he should take Monday off just to make it up to me.

So when I started feeling poorly last night, I thought he would be suspicious of me. And then when we had to wake up with the screaming-in-pain teething baby (STILL! OMG, DOES IT EVER END?), I was feeling more ill. And then this morning, I felt like I got hit by a truck. I think in the night the little Sick Elves embedded a little set of jacks in my joints, replaced my tonsils with medium gauge sand paper, and slipped sleeping pills under my tongue.

The Bubba stayed home an extra couple hours this morning so that I could keep sleeping, and hopefully sleep it off, or at least get a head start on it. He felt my forehead and brought me pain reliever, and as he left, he said he'd go for a (hopefully) quick check in at work and come home early.

Isn't he awesome?

Recovery

The amount of power we give our electronics is staggering. Or maybe I should make that more personal: the amount of power *I* give MY electronics is staggering. I wouldn't know my mom's phone number if it weren't speed dial #14 (sorry, Llama, I don't really know how to assign you speed dial #1 - you know I would!). I wouldn't have any clue of friends' or family's email addresses if they weren't detailed in my email account address book.

This week I didn't post anything on my blog. I didn't READ any blogs (sorry, guys, you know I still love you). I barely even checked my email. My computer crashing felt like a betrayal. Like a boyfriend breaking up with me and not telling me why. Was it something I did? Something I said? Something I posted for all of the internets to see? I felt like I needed a minute to evaluate my situation. A little moment to heal from the heart brake.

I started out feeling like I was doomed. I lost everything! Woe! But little by little I've repopulated my folders with photos I'd sent to the Bubba at work or that I posted here are there. And even one or two of the videos of Lucy just born were saved on the Bubba's laptop. So things started looking brighter. But still, all my music, my knitting patterns, my work documents. Those are still gone.

I made a decision as you do when you are at a crossroads in a relationship. I will never make myself that vulnerable again. I don't quite know what that means yet. I think it means having an old fashioned address book in my desk. It definitely means having an external hard drive and backing up my important files.

But I can't quit you, computer. Can we still be friends?

Gone

I would love to post pics from this weekend of Trick-or-Treating! I took pictures of the cutest little Lucy in her lady bug costume with her candy bucket slung around her head like a trough. There was one of the lady bug driving her toy truck. There was even a pic of a construction lady bug wearing Daddy's hard hat and coloring at his desk at work.

Except. They no longer exist.

My hard drive fried. I lost everything on my computer. I learned a lesson today. A stupid effing lesson that I didn't want to learn. Nothing at all was salvagable. I went to the Apple store and wiped a tear when the fixit nerd broke the news. I asked if there were some specialist that I could talk to about getting my pictures. I don't care much about anything else. The pictures, though. Those were important to me. He said, "There might be, but it wouldn't do any good. You're not going to get anything off of here."

And then I listed everything else in my brain. The preliminary stuff for my business. I'm pretty sure my partner has all the same stuff saved somewhere. Taxes. I printed out copies of that. Ooooh. What happens to all the money I spent on iTunes? Crap. But those PHOTOS.

I feel like such a dumbass for not backing everything up. And I even THOUGHT about doing it. I have CD-Rs and DVD+Rs right here. Here on my desk. Within reach right now. Ready for me to back everything up! I'd think, "I'll do it next time I'm on. Or tonight when I'm not doing anything." I just never ACTUALLY did it. Which, just for the record, doesn't count even a little bit when it comes right down to it.

I didn't lose EVERYTHING. I mean, there are the pictures that I posted on my blog. There are the pictures I loaded onto Facebook. But the others. Oh, I'm going to miss those. The pictures of my brand new little baby. Video of her first squeaks getting washed in the hospital. Pics of my red, sweaty, crying face when I saw Lu for the first time. I didn't want to put these on the blog for everybody to see. Those were just for us.

I'll always remember those things. I've got that going for me, at least. And no grievous bodily harm was caused by the frying of the laptop. The house didn't burn down or anything. And from that lesson, I have an order number for an external hard drive that will prevent future heartbreak a in similar fashion.

It doesn't make me much less sad right now, though.

Friday Photos: Happy Halloween!

SCARY!!

Lucy has become obsessed with BUBBLES! and will often discuss them at length with her toys. BONUS - you can see one of her molars in this pic. Four little front teeth and then molars. She skipped the other four incisors entirely. What's that all about?

THIS is how you wear it.

Lu showed her brain wave scrambler to my sweet friend and running partner (who is obviously adequately impressed).

Jack-o-Lanterns! (The one on the far right is mine.)

Lucy has a special trick-or-treat event over the lunch hour at Daddy's work today. The kids get some treats and get to have lunch with their parents. But 12-1 is right at naptime, so today involves coercing the child to take a nap this morning. I best get on that.

We hope all of you have a happy and safe Halloween!

Fall Is Upon Us

Transition complete. We're in full Fall mode, with the rain and the darkness. And my little family is hunkering down in our little house ready to wait it out. Except it's not necessarily that easy. I've been sad lately. And it's the kind of sad that you only realize was sadness after you don't feel it any more. Looking back over the last few days, I thought, "Huh. I haven't been happy."

And it's partly because it's dark when we wake up and dark when we eat dinner. And partly because Lucy has been refusing to sleep through the night. And maybe partly because it's getting rainier and colder, proof that winter is on its way. But mostly because of all of these things together and the fact that I haven't been Doing Stuff. And I like Doing Stuff. It makes me happy.

The weather here is still hard for me. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it. The transition from the sunny days of summer, and the first gorgeous days of fall we had, to the gloomy wet landscape of winter is a really hard one. On the one hand, I want to get outside and go for a run, on the other hand. The Gloom. It sucks all ambition. It whispers in my ears that I could be perfectly content sitting inside munching Fritos and Halloween candy for the rest of the season. Cerebrally, I understand that getting out will help everything! But then there's Fritos. And Halloween candy. And warm.

Ah, the constant battle.